It’s 2am

It’s 2am and the silence of the night lets what’s sitting in your mind come to the fore
2am and the reverence coaxes might that’s been shelved gathering dust, and you know in your core
That you’re pulling at threads that will unravel it all
That you’re pulling at threads that you think will make you fall

And you will…

You’ll unravel
And you’ll fall

You’ll pull at things you’re scared of saying and you’ll chip chip chip away at the wall
That you’ve built out of fear as pretence;
That you’ve tethered to your body as a looming brick fence..

And we’ll cry, letting each other be the life rings
And we’ll cry, letting each other make the pain sing
Because that is what we do.
Because that is what we have to do.

We sing.

Fold.

Fold.
Fold.
Leave me out in the snow.
Let the cold seep into my bones.

Let me feel it.
Allow me to feel the hot sting and redness,
the borderline wringing of hands at the reckless
way in which we move, in which we dance and sway
The way in which I dare to prove that chance won’t have its say
this time
This time my hands may be tied but it’s not for a lack of me saying I tried.

Fold.
Fold.
Let it be just me who knows.
Let the world slip away amidst the throes.
Let me hear it.
Allow me to hear the quiet and stillness,
the asinine steps into lands void of lexis.

Unrequited. Unrequired.
Unspoken. Undesired.

Fold.

Benighted. Unadorned.
Awoken. Suspired.

Fold.

And breathe.

I know I’m more than I feel that I am.
I know that I’m more than I feel but god. fucking. damn.
it’s hard to be and keep warm when I’ve been left in the snow wearing
only what I last walked out your door in.

1

God, sometimes it is easy to lose track of what’s important in life.
Sometimes it’s easy to lose track of who is important in life.
The world is so full of incredibly intrusive external and internal factors, most of them we don’t even realise are doing damage to our hearts.

Sobering days, lessons in gratitude (of which I have become increasingly aware), finding the enriching elements in this mad world.. whilst not forgetting that the rest of the world exists.. can be a tricky balance.

Your heart is yours, and for yours.

x

In My Defence – 29 Mar 19

A new single…. very excited to share this song next week! A song about wondering why you do the things you do. A song about craving the rush of things that are bad for you, and standing playing chicken with the train a la Stand By Me and revelling in that rush of air.

A song to bop a little broken heart to ♡ reminding yourself that you are human.

 

Lo

x

This made my heart swell..

Song Poem
– Allan Ginsberg

The weight of the world
is love.
Under the burden
of solitude,
under the burden
of dissatisfaction

the weight,
the weight we carry
is love.

Who can deny?
In dreams
it touches
the body,
in thought
constructs
a miracle,
in imagination
anguishes
till born
in human–
looks out of the heart
burning with purity–
for the burden of life
is love,

but we carry the weight
wearily,
and so must rest
in the arms of love
at last,
must rest in the arms
of love.

No rest
without love,
no sleep
without dreams
of love–
be mad or chill
obsessed with angels
or machines,
the final wish
is love
–cannot be bitter,
cannot deny,
cannot withhold
if denied:

the weight is too heavy

–must give
for no return
as thought
is given
in solitude
in all the excellence
of its excess.

The warm bodies
shine together
in the darkness,
the hand moves
to the center
of the flesh,
the skin trembles
in happiness
and the soul comes
joyful to the eye–

yes, yes,
that’s what
I wanted,
I always wanted,
I always wanted,
to return
to the body
where I was born.